The Christmas tree diet

This diet has many steps so follow carefully.

1. Go into the mountains to look for a Christmas tree (don''t bring any food)
2. Walk around in two feet of snow for an hour looking at mangy trees
3. Get truck stuck
4. Almost run over husband and get even more stuck
5. Jump in bed of truck for a half an hour trying to get free again
6. Successfully get free and continue to look for a decent tree
7. Go down a snowy road but you have to turn around because of down power lines
8. Try your hardest to make it up the snowy hill but make sure to go off the embankment
9. Call a tow truck, but be prepared to wait for at least an hour
10. The tow truck will then winch you out, only to get stuck themselves
11. Watch the tow truck try to get unstuck, but instead they hit a tree and end up at the very bottom of the hill
12. Then proceed to follow the tow truck by shoveling and then driving in 3 foot increments
13. Get an arm workout by supporting yourself as you pee while holding onto the bumper of your truck
14. Wait 5 hours and then the fire and police department will show up with a bobcat
15. Someone will then take sympathy on you and bring you a PB and J along with some baby food. You can eat all of this and it will be the best thing you have ever tasted.
16. Wait for another hour while everyone gets situated and the road gets plowed
17. Wait for the tow truck to get out
18. Get out yourself and meet at the rendezvous point.
19. Pay tow truck people $112
20. Say goodnight (it should be about 10pm) and go home

I've lost 3 lbs on this diet in just one day! Oh, and don't expect to get a Christmas tree out of the whole deal. I didn't.